Advice for Couples
Getting into a relationship is a relatively easy thing for a guy to do.
Creating and maintaining a HEALTHY, INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN...
is a challenge for ANY man... especially one who hasn't taken the time to learn the RELATIONSHIP SKILLS necessary to make a relationship thrive long term.
Women certainly have their own challenges when it comes to making a relationship succeed.
BUT, GUYS, LISTEN UP...
schmoozing, charming, and manipulating women are NOT what I mean when I talk about "relationship skills"...
Here are just a few of the things I am referring to when I talk about RELATIONSHIP SKILLS that make a relationship THRIVE:
Treating a woman with respect, even when you are enraged, deeply hurt, or scared out of your mind
Knowing how to FEED a relationship intellectually, physically, emotionally, and spiritually in order to keep it balanced
Thinking and acting more like a WE, rather than just like a ME
Dealing with the adult woman in your life from an ADULT MAN perspective rather than from a LITTLE BOY perspective
Having the guts to tell her and stand up for your PERSONAL TRUTH--even if you know it will hurt her feelings or make her angry
Learning to treat your differences with the woman in your life as COMPLEMENTARY, rather than as threatening (you will NEVER meet someone that is not different from you)
Having the guts to hold yourself to a very high standard of integrity--even if no one else knows whether or not you are staying true to that standard
Keep Your Marriage Going
Stronger and Longer
Contrary to popular belief...it is NEVER a good idea for a man to "keep the peace" or "not make waves" in a relationship with a woman by sacrificing his masculinity!!
In fact, if you feel that you have done that to yourself in your present relationship...
Please keep reading!!
Because a healthy, successful relationship will NEVER require you to "give up your balls" in order to be happy with a woman...or to make her happy.
Creating a successful relationship is a learnable set of skills, but it takes practice, and yes...
it takes work!!!
A strong and flourishing relationship requires the man of that couple to step up as the steady, adult male presence who brings his self-esteem, his personal integrity, and his self-respect to the steady, adult female presence that is his wife or girlfriend.
The bottom line is--whether you are male or female--if you are not very familiar with your emotional world...
if you have unrealistic expectations in your mind about who your partner should be or how he or she should act...
if your fear keeps you from speaking honestly from your heart to your partner...
you will be at a disadvantage when it comes to creating a long lasting healthy relationship.
Have you lost that loving feeling for your partner and are wondering whether or not there is a way to rekindle your desire for each other?
Are you feeling hopeless of ever being able to trust your spouse again after some lie or betrayal?
Do you ever feel like you have to treat your partner as if he or she were a scared or defiant child?
Reinvent Your Relationship
One of the best ways for me to get a more accurate picture of what is going on internally for a guy has been to listen to his wife or girlfriend's perspective on the state of the relationship.
I do this...not to check whether or not he is lying to me about his situation...
but because it is important for me to be aware of the effects his behavior has on his partner.
Because it is challenging for men to be aware of their emotional world...
it means that they are also not very aware of the effects their behavior has on their partner emotionally.
So working with men individually--as well as with their significant other in couples counseling--always helps me get a better overall perspective of what sort of personal challenges a man may have.
And the fact that most men may have a different perspective of what makes a relationship thrive than most women's...
My job is to help men identify those differences and talk about them with the woman they love in a healthy way.
Because I specialize in working with men, however, I am also very aware of the fact that I do have my own limitations when it comes to helping women see themselves at a very deep level...
probably because I am a guy.
Which is why I have also worked as a Couples Counselor together with my wife (who is a relationship coach for women and a licensed clinical psychologist) for over 18 years now.
In having us both present in our counseling sessions with couples, we offer both a male and female viewpoint of relationship issues so that both members of the couple can feel that their perspective is being well represented.
We believe that both individuals in a relationship are responsible for creating
the discord as well as the harmony, and so we invite each member of the
couple to address and change what is challenging the relationship
in order to create a more loving and effective partnership.
Whether couples are married or not, we address the core intimacy issues that all relationships encounter when it comes to creating and maintaining the closeness needed to keep a relationship viable for the long haul.
To inquire more about how my wife and I work with couples, please click on the link below to contact me and ask any questions you may have.
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