How I Can Help
I can help you learn the relationship skills necessary to create and participate in a loving, mature intimate relationship that can also be fun and adventurous.
When you work with me you can expect to see desirable and sustainable changes in your self-esteem and in your relationship.
Regaining trust is a crucial step in whether or not your relationship survives. But it is a process that takes time and is specific in what is necessary for you to do.
Demonstrating trustworthiness requires demonstrating personal integrity.
Learning how to speak your truth and following through on what you commit yourself to doing makes this possible.
How to think and act more like a “we” than just like a “me” is another trust-building skill set to learn.
There really is a way to bring your emotional world to her that is manly without being macho. This means that learning how to interact with her as a mature man rather than as an immature boy has to become a priority.
This is what helps create emotional intimacy, which in turn can rejuvenate and sustain the waning sexual intimacy of a relationship.
Conflict happens in every relationship. You will learn how to make the differences you have with her become less threatening to the stability of the relationship.
I will help you learn how to deal with conflict in a way that you won’t have to convince her of how right you are or how worthy your position is of her love and admiration.
Guiding Beliefs or Values
A relationship needs to feel like a safe place to be yourself.
I base my work on the belief that...
...a relationship experiences problems when trust erodes to where the relationship no longer feels like a safe haven for either one or the other person.
Learning how to make a relationship feel safe for yourself is what helps make it feel safe for the other person. I help men learn how to protect themselves without isolating, which actually makes the connection stronger.
Another belief I have is that each person in a relationship is responsible for 50% of both the good things and the bad things that happen.
Therefore, a guy can only be responsibile for half of what doesn’t work in a relationship--unless he cheats on his wife or girlfriend, in which case he gets 100% of the responsibility for the betrayal.
Learning how to identify one’s own half of what doesn’t work is one of the best ways there is of building trust.
This means that changing a bad situation can only come about if each person in a couple focuses on their own contribution to what didn’t work, and not focus on what the other person has done.
Because your own actions are the only thing you can change or control, focusing your awareness more on your own behavior--rather than on your wife or girlfriend’s--is a critical thing to learn how to do.
I will challenge you on your beliefs about relationships.
I will want to know about the family you grew up in to better understand who you are.
We won’t wallow in that or blame your parents for anything, but you and I both need to know why you react the way you do to your wife or girlfriend. Understanding how your childhood wired you up to be who you are is crucial to this process.
I don’t assume that if you’ve done something to torpedo a relationship that it means that there is something wrong with you.
I focus on helping you get back to your wife or girlfriend with strategies that will help the relationship get healthier and become more satisfying for both of you.
What makes me different from other relationship coaches?
When you’re looking for help with your relationship there may be a number of resources to choose from.
I have specialized in dealing with the explicit issues men struggle with about how to make and keep a relationship loving and long term.
I think the difference lies in the fact that I have focused on working with men about their relationship issues for over 20 years now.
I myself am also a guy in a committed relationship with my wife, and I have had to work on my relationship in many of the same ways you’ll need to work on yours.
It would be hypocritical of me to expect you to achieve certain things for yourself in your relationship and not hold myself to that same standard.
I know it’s crucial for me to be able to walk my own talk as a way to get your trust, and I know I can only take a client as far as I myself have traveled.
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