Free Special Report
Men's Emotional Makeover
The Sex Appeal of Being Real
Ever wonder what edge you could have with attracting and keeping a woman if you see yourself as just a common dude?
Think sexiness is only the domain of the guys with the smooth pick-up lines, the movie-star good looks, or the eye-popping bling?
Well, take heart, average Joe, because there is a way for you to stand out in a woman’s mind that translates into the kind of irresistible attraction that can lead to long term action…
and it has nothing to do with showing her some Cool Guy facade in an attempt to impress her. Sure, the Cool Guy act can work like a charm, but only for awhile.
What keeps a woman turned on once the sizzle has settled down in a relationship is hooking up with the Real Guy that lives underneath the Cool Guy exterior.
A lot has changed since the Women’s Movement insinuated itself into our cultural psyches, namely, how women began to address the issue of becoming more financially independent and self-sufficient so that they wouldn’t have to depend so much on a man that way.
The corresponding change on the Guy side of the equation, however, has been slow in coming, but is nevertheless a crucial change that still needs to occur, and it goes something like this: Men need to become more emotionally independent and self-sufficient so that they don’t have to depend so much on women that way.
Get the picture?
That’s why women find it sexy and desirable to get and stay with a guy who can take care of himself emotionally, because it means he has the you-know-what’s to reveal his imperfections and vulnerabilities and still feel like a man. For a 21st century woman, it doesn’t get any better than that, Guys.
The goal of an emotional makeover for men is getting to a comfort level with talking about a whole range of feelings, passions, and experiences that paint a true picture of what’s going on inside us–warts and all.
Showing the vulnerability of our emotions is at the very least a show of our humanity, and at the very best a show of our inner strength.
In other words, being real means saying how you feel. By the way, Fella’s, an emotional makeover is NOT about creating a bunch of wussie-boys who cower to their women or who take on a woman’s emotional sensitivities. It’s about having the courage to develop a part of ourselves that reveals the depths of who we really are, and that’s something that women cannot resist!
So what steps can any guy take to get the ball rolling toward understanding his emotional world better that won’t defrock him of his masculinity? Here are four things you can do to get there:
1) Ask a woman that knows you really well for some honest, constructive feedback. Ask her this very specific question: “What are the ways you notice that I express my sadness, fear, pain, embarrassment, confusion, and anger?” Write down what she tells you in a journal (for privacy) for each of these six feelings. Each one represents a part of who you are that is either “showing up” or not.
2) In your journal, take the six feeling words from above and beside each write: A) at least two experiences you remember from your childhood of feeling each one, and B) what situations trigger those feelings today. Distinguish what goes on in your head from what goes on in your heart and gut. Share this with the woman from #1 above.
3) If you realize that you don’t feel some or any of those feelings, ask yourself whether or not you’ve ordered your brain to override those experiences and minimize their existence because they are negative and feeling them would be a waste of time. If this is the case, then write in your journal about why you believe it’s been important for you to protect yourself in this way from feeling these feelings. Share this with the woman from #1 above.
4) Read a book (like Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence), take a seminar, take an online test (keywords: eiq test), or talk to a therapist to get an idea of how to identify a whole range of feelings that are possible. Share this with the woman from #1 above.
Finally, notice how the woman from #1 above is regarding you as you share your emotional makeover with her. Remember that putting on your Cool Guy act keeps you from really “showing up” when it’s time to get close to a woman. Let her see the Real Guy inside and let the sparks fly!