The Wake Up Call
It's probably safe to assume that you've gotten some sort of Wake Up Call about what you do and don't do in your relationships that has sent you looking for information on the internet for help.
This is a great opportunity to finally figure some things out about yourself that you know have kept you feeling alone--even if you're currently in a relationship--for all these years.
It's a chance to learn some new and important information that you will use for the rest of your life.
Maybe you've arrived at some epiphany or moment of truth in your life where...
...despite all attempts at convincing yourself and others that your relationship with your wife or girlfriend is just fine...
...you've been humbled by some piece of your mortal imperfection which has revealed the fact that...
...all is not well on the home front.
Welcome to The Wake Up Call.
The Wake-Up Call is a sobering moment wherein Life (or your wife or girlfriend) demands that you be accountable for the wreckage you’ve created in your intimate relationship.
The good news is that...
...if you choose to "wake up" and hold yourself to a deeper level of accountability in the relationship than you have done previously...
...then you will figure out what your blind spots are, and your relationship will get better.
But just like you get to make a choice whether or not to answer your telephone when it rings...
...it's the same with The Wake Up Call.
You may be presented with the opportunity over and over again to grasp a new understanding of why you do what you do...
...but that doesn't mean you'll take advantage of that opportunity.
The bad news is, if you choose to ignore the Wake Up Call, you will continue to torpedo your relationships until you finally open up to your blind spots.
But you will always get another Wake Up Call...and another...and another...until you finally wake up and commit to getting yourself and your relationship out of mediocrity.
Hopefully by that time you won't be all alone.
When you choose to take advantage of a Wake Up Call...
..i.e., when you've been sufficiently humbled by your mistakes and there is nowhere to go but "up"...
...what becomes clear very quickly, is that...
...there are certain guy-attitudes and guy-beliefs hard-wired into us that really do cause at least--and at most--fully half of the wreckage in a relationship.
Getting to this moment, however, actually becomes the moment when...
...it sinks in to our brains that our manly pride can no longer keep us from opening up to the very personal and private pain of our human limitations....
...and that we actually may not possess the skills or the tools to figure this out all by ourselves anymore.
That’s what the Wake-Up Call is about.
Recognizing The Wake Up Call
The Wake Up Call experience can come about in any number of ways.
There is the eye-popping and compelling whack-over-the-head variety that comes from experiencing a personal tragedy, such as
...the death of a loved one,
...the loss of a job or a relationship,
...or surviving a terrible car crash or debilitating illness.
Then there is the less life-threatening but equally effective "aha!" epiphany-type Wake-Up Call that spontaneously erupts in our brains as a result of getting what I call the Close Call.
A common Close Call for a guy is having the woman in his life threaten to end their relationship because of his reluctance to finally look at and own up to his behavior that has helped drive the relationship toward unhappiness and disaster.
The thought of ending up alone....possibly forever....usually gets his attention once she threatens to walk out, at which point the proverbial ball is in his court to demonstrate his willingness to "work" on the relationship.
At this point women need to see some concrete form of action from their guy, like getting some relationship coaching, getting into therapy, attending a seminar, reading a book.
The bottom line is, it requires that most desperate of acts reserved for only the most drastic and extreme circumstances for a guy, which is...
...actually asking for help!
Sometimes it takes one of these Close Calls to smack us upside the head for the Wake-Up Call to really penetrate the protective layers that keep men emotionally inaccessible...
...kind of like the veneer of self-control we exude to throw women off the scent when they've once again pushed our inadequacy button!
Whichever way it happens, there comes a personal moment of clarity when we must finally start to recognize a few basic truths about ourselves as men, such as:
- Growing up as boys, we bought the lie that understanding and expressing our emotional needs was not a manly way for a boy or a man to be,
- Which has impaired our ability to express what we feel in our hearts,
- Which hinders our ability to take a stand for our Personal Truth,
- Which keeps us playing the role of "emotionally immature little boy" in our adult relationships with women,
- Which keeps us from learning how crucial emotional maturity is to creating and sustaining the emotional intimacy of a relationship with a woman,
- Which keeps us torpedo-ing our relationships,
- Which keeps us alone.
Life has it's way of exerting a sense of urgency on us to live a life that is meaningful and to be able to share it with one special person.
You may have a sense of this in your twenties, but for most guys it usually kicks into high gear as we ripen into our thirties, forties, and fifties...
...because that's when Life has it’s way of kicking our butts into humbly admitting to ourselves that something or someone is missing from our personal happiness equation.
That’s when the Wake-Up Call arrives.
And every guy gets one.
Until he finally wakes up and chooses to do something about what isn’t working in his life.
Or he continues to live a life destined toward personal mediocrity.
What To Do With The Wake Up Call
The best way to approach a Wake Up Call about your relationship with your wife or girlfriend is to:
Put away your ego and your defensiveness...
...and actually consider the possibility that you have some blind spots about your personality and/or behavior that are having a negative effect on the relationship.
This is a tough one because it means we have to admit to ourselves that we haven't succeeded at something that is hugely important to us.
And not succeeding at something important never feels good.
Just remember that until you commit yourself to discovering what your blind spots are, they will remain out of your awareness...
...and will ALWAYS inevitably sabotage your relationships.
As was mentioned above, open yourself up to learning some new and different tools about relationships...
...like reading a book, signing up for some relationship coaching, getting into therapy, attending a relationship seminar.
It all starts, however, with acknowledging to yourself that you don't have all the answers...
...and maybe even asking for help.
If you're the kind of guy that prefers to handle your problems all by yourself...this will be really uncomfortable for you.
But do it anyway!
Do whatever you can to pro-actively apply these tools to making your relationship better.
Work with your wife or girlfriend to create a mature, adult partnership where you both "have each other's back"...
...where you both give each other the benefit of the doubt...
...where you both forge a genuine trust in each other...
...where you both hold each other accountable to the greater good of the relationship in a compassionate and caring way.
The Wake Up Call is a moment you want to be able to look back at five or ten years from now and be able to say to yourself...
"That was when I finally got it that I had to figure some stuff out about myself in relationships, or else I knew I would end up alone in my life".
There really is nothing more important for us to be doing than learning how to cherish and succeed at our intimate relationships.
The Wake Up Call usually gets that ball rolling.
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